The plant that couldn't bloom

Published 2 days ago

There was a time I thought I wasn’t good enough. That I didn’t belong in tech. That I just couldn’t keep up.

But I was just in the wrong environment.

This is about a past job. A manager who was under pressure from above and passed that pressure onto the team. Deadlines made no sense. A task that should’ve taken five days was suddenly a three-day job. Or two. That was how they thought you’d get more done - by squeezing people.

It didn’t work. At least not for me.

I started feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I blamed my health. Too much caffeine. Gum. Bad posture. Turns out, it was stress. Constant stress.

The work was fragmented. The feedback was always negative. Nothing was ever enough. Every day was a reminder that I wasn’t “performing.” But the goals? They were absurd from the start.

Eventually, I got called into a room with higher-ups. I thought it was a chat. Looking back, it was likely a warning - or a firing that didn’t go through. I didn’t even get it at the time. I was too naive.

Later, I understood: I wasn’t the issue.

In every other job before and after, I delivered. When I’m into something, I hyperfocus. I’m fast. Creative. Productive. But I need space. I need trust. I need a place where my brain doesn’t see everything as danger.

That job gave me a crash course in bad management. So I wrote an email to leadership, laying out what was wrong. Not out of revenge - but to reflect. What I described matched what experts say about toxic leadership: pressure without support, unrealistic expectations, poor communication.

After that, I got moved to a new team.

Everything changed.

And the manager? Eventually, they left too.

I’ve carried that lesson with me ever since. I’ve seen it in other areas of life too - like when I joined an improv group and constantly got nitpicked. Same result: I froze. I felt useless.

But it wasn’t me.

I don’t thrive in fear. I thrive in encouragement. In curiosity. In safe spaces where creativity is welcome.

I’m like a plant. If the soil is wrong, I won’t bloom. But in the right place? I grow fast. I stretch out. I reach for the sun.

If you’re struggling, maybe it’s not you either.

Maybe you’re just planted in the wrong place.